A Single Gender World

How much do you do out of a conscious or unconscious desire to be attractive to the opposite sex? I think that this world would be entirely different without the motivations and pressures of being desirable to the opposite sex. As a man, I know that there are many things men would never bother to do were it not for the fact that there are women on the planet. For the last 2 years I have gone without dating. Don't worry about me, I'm okay, I just got a little tired of the whole game and needed a rest after my last relationship didn't work out. I started out just looking to rest my weary little heart (yeah, right) and it turned into a time of major self-discovery (not that kind you sick minded freaks). Once I stopped trying or even caring to attract the opposite sex, all of the little things that I do, which I thought I did because I wanted to do them, I discovered I was doing most of those things because I unconsciously thought that they made me more appealing to women. I happy to say that I still keep myself groomed and bathed but I now do those things because "I" want to. I realized at some point during my hiatus from relationships that I had been doing such things out of a sense of necessity, not the necessity to be clean or to feel good, but a sense of not wanting to be seeing as ugly or smelly. When I thought about it I realized that the only people I give a damn about not liking my appearance or smell are women. Even the clothes I wore were to, on some level, attract a woman.

I started paying attention to the detailed interactions between people while I was out and about and I found that nearly everyone is so caught up in the competition to be maintain some level of suitability to the opposite sex that nearly no one is in touch with "self". I wondered if I just let go, who would I find myself to truly be. I let go but it was a difficult thing to achieve. The fact is, I realized in a nearly tangible way, the hard-wired natural inclination we have to appease the senses of the opposite sex. I realized that my attraction to attractive women isn't a choice. That might sound like something that should be obvious but I took it for granted that I had authority over such things. You really don't realize how little authority you have over yourself until you try to assert it. I had to literally stop going out unless absolutely necessary. I had to not engage in any conversations with women that weren't necessary. I had to deliberately give off negative vibes to prevent anyone from approaching me. I had to do all of this and more in order that I regain control over those automated systems within that used to act without my approval. I think I now understand some of the real differences between women and men but I'll get to that later.

Once I freed myself from my automated response to attractive women, I felt liberated. My aggression level seemed to decrease. I grew up a pretty rough life and I have always been a pretty on-alert, ready for action, kind of guy. Imagine my surprise when I realized how much of that was directly linked to the male-competitive nature - that part that seeks attention from the opposite sex. Talking instead of acting began to make more sense to me. I remember once I was almost arrested because my girlfriend at the time and I, were called some racially derogatory names while checking out in a local store. This guy was behind us in line and aggravated by the fact that the clerk was taking so long to ring us out. This guy had to be a racist because somehow he made a link between the clerk taking long and my girlfriend and I being Black. Before the "n" word had completely gotten out of his mouth, or I could realize what I had done, I had struck the guy several times. In retrospect, had there been no women in the store, especially mine, I probably would have more inclined to think first. When you think about it, words are only offensive if there is a third party around to be affected by them. The offense is not actually on you, it's on that third party's perception of you. What really offends you about insults is that someone else might believe them and therefore affect the way they treat/perceive you. But it's deeper than that because most men really don't care what other men think of them - I know that I don't. So those hostile responses to verbal insults are unconscious sensitivities to threats against, you guessed it, the ability to appeal to the opposite sex.

I also learned that the purpose of the automated features of a man are essentially, good. Though they might cause us to be overly aggressive and hostile, they also ensure that we protect and defend the ones we care about. Though they might cause us to dress in uncomfortable clothing, shave more often than we'd like to, wear colognes and buy fancy things; they also ensure that our lives are sanitary. Though they might cause us unnecessarily challenge one another, they also ensure our growth and evolution via the struggles of competition.

This world would probably be a mess without both genders. Our evolution would be stifled and we would have probably died off from living in squalor. We need each other: the two genders. We motivate each other to be better than what we actually are and thereby, we actually become better. I realized a notable difference between women and men and that is that women are born into this state of better self awareness authority over "self" as they aren't hard-wired to automatically react/pursue when they are stimulated by the opposite sex. The competitiveness that leads to many of the hostilities of men, aren't naturally set to act out the same way they act out in men. In general, men are the aggressors when pursuing relationships because they can't help it. Women aren't the aggressors because they simply don't feel the same sense of urgency that compels a man to act. I don't just intellectually know this, I overstand it now that I have experienced what it feels like to be in that state. I think it's pretty damn cool. It's amazing to me how we are designed to fit/complete/balance/offset each other in ways more than physical. We are programed to be each others counterparts. I wonder if that means that a gay person has tampered with their programing? That's a whole other subject. It's a really good thing that there are two genders. Anywho, It's late and I'm tired so that's all folks.